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Excerpts from Dr. Michael's Two New Books Scheduled for publication in 2010
Please check back regularly for new essays
Book
I How to Get Along Well with People
& Find More Happiness in Life
A Guidebook for Everyone on
--Life, Love & Relationships--
365 Daily Readings Furthering the Growth
Of Emotional Intelligence
In Everyday Life
Volume One
1.
You have no control over anyone but
yourself
People are
going to think and do what people are going to think and do. Experience
teaches us early on that often the way people think and behave is not
the way we expect them to think and behave.
If we are to get along happily with others, we must start by accepting the
reality that people are going to think, say, and do whatever they want, and
many times in direct opposition to how we want them to think or act.
Everyone has a right to their own “wrong” opinions and choices. That means
allowing others to behave in ways contrary to our expectations. Furthermore,
it requires that we make every effort to give people space to be themselves.
If we are to get along with people we need to honor these basic rights, and
accept people as they are without trying to change them. If you haven’t
already, do yourself a big favor now and accept people the way they are.
You have
no control over anyone but yourself.
And while we
can’t change others, we can change how we react to them.
Let people be who they are. You’ll save yourself countless hours of
frustration and disappointment once you do. At best, we may
influence
others, and others may influence us. Controlling other people is impossible,
misguided, and plainly speaking, deserves our strongest objection and
condemnation.
2.
Be the change you seek
Never have expectations of changing another person's
behavior. You'll be frustrated and disappointed and create animosity in the
other person. You have no control over anyone but yourself, and even then,
only if you work at it. Rather than attempting to impose our will upon
others, far better for everyone that we
be
the change we seek, and in so doing become an inspiration and role model for
others to follow should they choose to do so.
Since
change has to come from within, setting a good example is the most
persuasive argument.
Give what you want to get. At every opportunity take action that helps you
become a representative of the change you seek.
Positive change
occurs when you consciously make different and appropriate choices that
bring you more of what you want and less of what you don’t want in your
life. Mindful is as mindful does. You can’t
just make up your mind about wanting to change; you must also follow through
by taking action, consistently and persistently, until the desired change is
ultimately achieved. Put your doubts aside and act believing that what you
do will make a difference. After all, you have to
do something
different if you want things to change and improve. If you want things to be
different you must not only act differently but also strive to see yourself,
others, and the world in a new reality as you evolve and redefine your
perceptions. This is the only way we can ever move past our own self-imposed
limitations, and influence others to follow suit.
Book II How to Get Along Well with Each Other
& Find More Happiness in Love
A Guidebook for Couples on
--Deepening Connection & Going
55 Essential Guidelines on How to Smartly
Hook up, Make up, and Break up
Volume
One Companion Series
1.
Pursuit of happiness
In their great wisdom the Founding Fathers included the right to the pursuit of happiness in the Declaration of Independence. Note that they didn’t include the right to happiness itself, just its pursuit. They knew full well the thing is we each have to catch up with it ourselves. Happiness is a choice we make over and over, every minute of every hour of every day of our lives. Happiness really is an inside job—nobody can make us happy but ourselves. It's a mistake to think that anyone or any relationship can ever make you happy. You need to fill the empty spaces in your life yourself. You give your power away and set yourself up for disappointment when you expect happiness from anywhere other than from within. Happiness is a state of mind. You can be happy for no reason or for many reasons, depending on what you think or what’s in your mind. You can be happy because the day is sunny or rainy or warm or cold depending on what you’re doing and what you want to do. You can be unhappy for all the same reasons. Happiness is all in your mind.
2. Pleasure is not the same as
happiness When we stop looking for things or people to make us happy we initiate a sequence leading to supreme well-being and good spirits. Happiness is a state of mind that is everyone’s natural birthright and the most valuable of all earthly blessings to possess. No matter what advertisements promise, true happiness isn’t derived from pleasure, or from what you own or buy. Say “No sale!” to all of them. Pleasure is not the same as happiness. Happiness is built upon the bedrock of a healthy balance of body, mind, and spirit, beginning with our thoughts, which influence every aspect of our life and form the basis of self-healing. Basically, every cell in our body responds to every thought we think and every word we speak, thus creating our body’s ease or dis-ease. Supreme health and happiness is wholesome and naturally glows. We know it when we see it, as it is humane and magnetic, radiating strength and brightness that can be seen and felt, especially when in service for the good of others. It requires of us to choose work, amusements, and endeavors which benefit rather than degenerate. Further, it insists that we nurture affections for family and friends in emotionally healthy ways, and make contributions to our family, community, and planet through meaningful undertakings. With wholesome integration of body, mind, and spirit—in a life based on good conscience, sound moral principles, and living with an eye to the future—happiness flourishes, spreading its influence like waves on the ocean. We are naturally endowed with the capacity to enjoy life, yet we must not abuse or misuse it to cause ourselves or others harm or unhappiness. The natural law for happiness demands we actively feel life, pursue feelings and actions that are pleasant and beneficial, and avoid those that hurt and injure. Happiness is simply the normal result of living a balanced and harmonious life.
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Notice & Disclaimer: The author of the material on this website does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any techniques as forms of treatment for physical or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in his books or on his website for yourself, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions. Dr. Bouchard's essays and articles are provided with the understanding that they provide education or instruction, and do not constitute therapy or counseling. Any person seeking counseling should personally contact Dr. Bouchard for distance telephone sessions or consult a local qualified professional. If you are in crisis, suffer from a mental illness or are experiencing serious suicidal thoughts, please contact your local crisis or suicide hotline or phone 911 for immediate assistance. This service is provided to adults age 18 and over and is not intended for use by minors without parental or guardian approval. ***************************************************************** |
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